Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
