If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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