I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
