we're chasing vodka with high fives
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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