how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
