whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
