you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize