shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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