I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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