i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
