Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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