adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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