Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
