I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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