Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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