i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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