was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
