i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
