he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I want to fling myself into the sun
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
