I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
