that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
