just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
