have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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