Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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