I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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