Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
