do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
