ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Everclear isn't food dammit
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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