i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
