I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
