the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
