He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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