Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
