You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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