I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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