Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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