Yo dont text me then not text me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
