Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
