Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
