In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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