obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
