he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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