I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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