Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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