...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
