Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
