So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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