you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think weed is turning my hair brown
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize