she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
