My cat gives me a boner
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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