I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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