You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just gift wrapped bread.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
