tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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