I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I'm really busy with my period
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