I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize