im having a threesome with these popsicles
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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