Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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