lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
