I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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