I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize