How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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