and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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