garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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