You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
