I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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