I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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