Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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