I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
