john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
