i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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