do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
