My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
