if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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