Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize