Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
