I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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