i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
