i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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