He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
