I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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