my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
