when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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