Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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