pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
