the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
