How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
