but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
