she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
