He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
