So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
