what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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