No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
