Dual....:-)
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
