at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
