So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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