My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
