Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize