His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
