I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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