I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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