is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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