i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
