Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
